YOU FAILED!!

Are we self-destructive creatures?! Is it true that we prefer to sink deep in our fear, hatred, lust and agony?!


I was once accused that I think of all the bad things that could possibly happen, even invent some just to justify the bad feelings I have, to explain to myself why I am miserable!


Mostly true, I know I always think of the worst, maybe because I saw and lived some of the worst of life so when I am happy, I try to always remind myself that the best is NOT yet to come, it is most of the time the WORST is yet to come.... This way I won't get too disappointed when everything turns into a mess..... Pessimistic, I know, but give me one reason that would make me not one!



Sometimes you feel like you just hit the bottom, went down a steep slide without even noticing to find yourself down on the ground, alone with cruel eyes looking at you from above and pointing with their fingers and laughing,"look at that stupid idiot, he didn't notice we were going to push him soon".

You look up and you can't believe that someone you trusted could do this to you, you remember the words of the wise men who told you eldonya mafeehash aman "there is no safety in this world"... you remember that you were once in a situation advising someone else not to trust a human being, even yourself because people change and everyone is looking for their own profit"what's in it for meeeeee??!!"


You are down there covered with your shame and misery thinking how stupid you were and how if you got to get out of this, you will never put yourself under the mercy of anyone!


Now the more stupid thing is that you find one of those who pushed you reaching out for you.... half heartidly, but at least reaching.....
You think for a while.... should I go for it?! I mean how am I to know it is not a trick?! But again, the stupid self centered you ignores all rational thoughts and reaches out for the hand, try to grab it, it's not that easy, you need some more effort.....

gather some of the people who were down there with you, who were thrown by the same people who threw you or by someone else, doesn't really matter.... pile them on top of each other and use them as your "stairway to heaven".... What do you say?! They are your friends??! So what??! Can't you remember a word of what I said?! "What's in it for meeeee??????!!!! me and only me", focus on getting up there dummy!!

So you finally got hold of the hand, it is slippy and not very willing to help you, but in what position are you to start complaining now??!

You are there now after a lot of struggle but you made it, congratulations,
YOU FAILED YOUR FIRST TEST!!


Now see that smile on your saviours face, look harder,memorize it, engrave it in your brain cells, what do you see in it??! Just think and tell me later. Enjoy the warm welcome and the hugs, try to get hold of as much love as you can!


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Ummmm, he is handing you a shovel?! you are scared??! why are you saying so?! remember, he is our saviour, he could have left us there to rot, but he didn't..... Stop being ungrateful, stop whining, just take the damned shovel and do what he is asking you....

He asked you to dig a grave?!! ummm, it's okay, maybe he got something to bury... a pet or a box or even a time capsule..... keep digging, it's just a hole in the ground, he is your saviour, you have to pay your debt, help him to whatever he wants without wondering or asking.

He is not convinced with how deep it got?! He wants it deeper??! Well, what is the difference, a hole is a hole, doesn't matter how deep it is, dig deeper!!!

He is asking you to go down there??!! .........That's weird............. But hey, there has to be a reasonable explanation for it.... Oh oh, he must want to hand you whatever he wants to bury while you are in there, it must be heavy!!


See, you are down there now and nothing bad happened... You have a HUGE trust issue, you should really have some more faith in the human nature!

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WHAT??! what is this dirt falling over our face?! What's happening?! Why is it getting darker?! Why are we this cold?!!

OH SHUT IT YOU DUMB ASS!! IT'S MY TURN TO TALK!!! I WAS FOLLOWING THE DECISIONS YOU MADE FOR ME ALL ALONG THE ROAD!! IT WAS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE ALRIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED NOW?! WE GOT DUMPED IN A COLD LONELY PLACE YOU JACK ASS MOTHER FUCKER!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO YOU FIRST PLACE YOU STUPID PIG!!

So the other part of you says with its last breaths,"at least we got to see him smile for us once!"